THERE IS NO GREATER TEACHER THAN OUR LAST MISTAKE!

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There is no greater teacher than our last mistake or strained experience..... 

Setting both professional and personal boundaries is one of the most important ways in which we love and honour ourselves and make it possible to be more authentic. 

1. When ever a relationship or situation makes you whine, complain,  become angry or resentful... It's a clear indication that a healthy boundary needs to be set. Reflect on what course of action is needed and what needs to be avoided. 

2. Set the boundaries clearly,  without anger,  with the fewest words possible,  without the need to justify, rationalize, argue or apologize. Stay firm,  calm,  clear and respectful. 

3. You cannot take care of the boundaries and the feelings of another person at the same time. You also have no need to pay attention to the other person's reaction to your boundaries. Communicate in actions and let go. 

4. You will for sure feel guilty, embarrassed, selfish and uncomfortable when you do this initially. But stay firm and determined to take care of yourself first. Do not let anxiety,  need for acceptance or low self worth to come in the way. 

5. Once you set the boundary please anticipate a phase of testing. The abusive person you cut out will always provoke you to succumb.... They will continue to control,  manipulate and talk about you.  Relax.... It's part of the whole process of change. Your behaviour must match your boundaries.

6. It always takes time for change. Set up a small support system of people you can trust and continue to eliminate anyone toxic or abusive. Don't allow your self to give in when the change is testing you. Loneliness and fear are often manipulative states that make us resort back to old patterns. We often find it easier to deal with the old pattern because we have some solutions than deal with the new patterns which require us to develop new skills. 

Very often the personal and professional relationship going through the phase of clear boundaries is likely to resort to the "think about the good times", " you are valuable, please do not let one person ruin all that we have built", " I will die without you" "we will set it right if you just adjust a little more" " don't forget I was your...... And I am asking you because I value what we have shared" " you inspire me.... I am so proud to be working with you"pattern. If people truly valued you, their actions will speak louder than their words.  Remember these are all ways to cross the boundary.  Be firm. 

When the boundaries are clear we embrace the courage to love ourselves and make it possible to develop healthier personal and professional relationships over time.